*This article is adapted from chapter 6 in my new book, Shepherds on Guard.
If you were to ask your congregation to list the top five struggles you face in ministry, what do you think would make their list? Pride? Burnout? Time management? Disappointment? Self-doubt? Discouragement? All good answers. Unfortunately, there’s another struggle that many of us are facing right now and it’s not even on our congregation’s radar. It’s isolation!
By isolation, I’m thinking about those feelings of being alone, or in some cases, the reality of being alone. Right now, ministers serve without anyone close to them, anyone to encourage them, or anyone they can turn to for advice or help; they are practically alone. All alone, they bear the weight of their people’s burdens and worries. Furthermore, most of their congregation is unaware of how alone their pastor is. There are also pastors surrounded by supporters and helpers, and yet, they find themselves constantly wrestling with feelings of loneliness.
If you are currently experiencing loneliness in ministry, I want you to know you are not alone. I’ve been there myself. Here are some reasons we experience isolation and how we can overcome it.
REASONS FOR ISOLATION
Why do so many pastors suddenly find themselves struggling with isolation? For some of us, it begins with the dangerous assumption that because our work centers on people, isolation is the least of our worries. But the constant presence of people around us doesn’t prevent isolation. If anything, at times, the people around us actually add to our sense of isolation as we see the crowd who knows us but doesn’t really know us. The sad truth is, we can spend time with hundreds of people every week and still feel alone. Proximity doesn’t equal intimacy.
Another reason pastors face isolation is our schedule. While some of our pastoral responsibilities necessitate meaningful time with others, some responsibilities provide an easy path into isolation. Prayer, sermon preparation, reading, and planning can easily require twenty hours a week. More often than not these tasks take place in the comfort of our office or home while we are alone. If we are not careful and intentional, we can spend days without ever participating in the significant relationships we need.
These are two of the main reasons pastors find themselves dealing with isolation. The good news is, there are simple steps any pastor can take to help overcome isolation.
3 PRACTICAL STEPS FOR GUARDING AGAINST ISOLATION
Schedule Time with Others. Let’s start with a simple one. For most of us, when we put something on our calendar, it becomes a priority. But a quick glance at many of our schedules might reveal that quality time with others is not as prioritized as it should be. We need times of relaxation, fellowship, and discipleship with other believers. Our schedules are so unpredictable from week to week, meaning, if we don’t intentionally block out time for others, other tasks will crowd it out. Schedule time with others like you schedule time for studying your sermon passage. Schedule lunch with a trusted friend, block out an afternoon for fishing with one of your ministry leaders, and guard your time of discipleship with the pastor down the road. Consistent, quality time with quality people reminds us we are not alone.
Moses mentored Joshua. Elijah mentored Elisha. Jesus mentored the disciples. Paul mentored Timothy and Titus. Priscilla and Aquila mentored Apollos. From many examples in Scripture, we learn the importance of leaders encouraging, building up, teaching, and training others. While mentorship is essential for raising up leaders and mature disciples, it also guards pastors against isolation.
Mentor and Be Mentored. Whether you are mentoring or being mentored, growing alongside another person is the goal. Growth in a mentoring relationship only takes place when trust, honesty, openness, and commitment develop between people. One of the reasons why mentoring relationships are important for pastors is, it prevents us from being isolated. Shallow relationships are easy because they don’t require much from us; they also do little to prevent isolation. On the other hand, mentoring develops the type of relationships we need to persevere through feelings of isolation. A mentor relationship helps us develop bonds with others whom we can trust with our struggles and lean on during difficult seasons of ministry. Mentoring invites another person into our lives so that we know we are never alone.
Stay Grounded in Scripture. While prioritizing quality time with others and developing strong relationships go a long way in guarding ourselves against isolation, they’ll never replace our need for God’s Word. No matter how well we guard ourselves, feelings of loneliness will come knocking at our door when we least expect it. Life and ministry are difficult, and our enemy will stop at nothing to drag us down. It’s during these times that we need God’s Word to be our anchor and firm foundation. Scripture not only supplies us with encouraging truths, but it also recounts numerous examples of saints who have survived the dark valleys of isolation.
Consider David, who laments in Psalm 142:4 (ESV), “Look to the right and see: there is none who takes notice of me; no refuge remains to me, no one cares for my soul.” The same king who took comfort in God as a shepherd (Ps. 23), also felt alone, unnoticed, and hopeless. Or what about Paul, who pleaded with Timothy to rush to his side because everyone had deserted him except for Luke (2 Tim. 4:9–18). Then there is Jesus, the one who can sympathize with our loneliness better than anyone. Has there been a lonelier place in human history than the cross where Jesus Christ bore our sin and shame? Remembering these examples can help us remember that we are not alone in our struggles with isolation.
Yes, surround yourself with people who stand firm by your side through the ups and downs of ministry, but do not forsake God’s Word. The promises of Scripture and examples of others remind us that we are not the first, nor will be the last to face isolation.
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I pray that isolation is something you never face. But chances are, you have already experienced it, and if not, don’t be surprised when you do. Isolation can be crippling, but don’t lose hope. Surround yourself with good people and spend quality time with them. Ground yourself in the Word of God so that you are protected, sustained, and encouraged. And remember, you are not alone.
